we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
