Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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