He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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