would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He felt like a one man threesome
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
