Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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