I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
