so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
