Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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