i just wanna soil my oats bro
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
