i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
