just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize