o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
