my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
