well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
