You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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