just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
