Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
