i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
