the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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