Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
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Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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