Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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