you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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