Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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