There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So much rum. So many feels.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
