is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
