Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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