Screwed.edu
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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