i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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