i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize