i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I need to calm my uterus...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
