god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
