just come out here and I will go home with you...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
