Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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