I was born with a shot glass in my hand
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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