you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
