Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
