I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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