I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
