yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
