he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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