There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
