Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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