eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I can feel your judgement through the phone
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
