I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
