hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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