I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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