I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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