I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
