when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
