Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize