So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
