I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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