I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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