I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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