for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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