Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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