Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
