Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
