all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
