Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
