So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
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I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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