News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
