she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
