I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
