We won't sleep together?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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