My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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