It's just like the Real World with babies
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
