I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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