Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
