1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
