He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
