I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
