you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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