well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
