Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
